might as well get this over with.

Hey guys.
Let me preface this with, please, I don't want you to say you're so sorry or anything, its not like that. I don't want sympathy, I'm simply giving an explanation to something for my friends.

You all know I've been sick, a long time. I battle migraines regularly, as well as Chron's disease, but there has been something else. Something that has been around for 3 years, that went undiagnosed until April 2009. My previous doctor was my doctor of 7 years, and he misdiagnosed me with cervical cancer and preovarian cancer. Some of you know that I went thru chemo and everything. And didn't have it. [Well, preovarian, I did, I do, but what he was treating me for, was false.] He was wrong. But I trusted him. Thats why I am leery to come out about this now.

Last tuesday, August 17th, I got my biopsy results back from my doctor. Now, before I get into it, there are 2 facts you'll need to know to understand why its weird for me to have this. 1) I am NEGATIVE for HPV of any level. 2) I am under the age of 50 obviously. But I do have autoimmune disorder.

Now, what I have is Cancer. It is called Vulvar Intraepithelial Neoplasia. But mine is not precancerous neoplasia, its cancerous, stage 2, stage 3 is the worst. Shorthand for it is VIN2. Its uncommon, unless a girl has hpv, but I dont have hpv, or anyother std or anything, never have had. But these lumps under my skin, I have had for 3 years that I know of, maybe longer that the doctor (nor myself) noticed.

I've been leery to come out about it, when it is the real deal, because I don't want all the questions. Like, "why should we believe you now, or how do you know its for real" when even my boyfriend is questioning me, saying "whats different now, why are you scared now" and acting entirely unphased, when all I want, is for him to give me the love and support that I need... because I am coming apart at the seams. My dad is too. I've only told my dad, my boyfriend, Evie, and Jenn.... up until now. My dad is flipping, Evie isn't talking about it (for good reason, I'm sure, she always has good reasons for everything she does or doesn't do) and as I said, Jeff, is acting unphased, and truly doesn't believe that they're right. The fact of the matter is, its the 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions. The biopsy was analyzed, and conclusive, but the doctor sent the sample out of state, for a specialist's opinion, just in case.

When I went in for the biopsy, he told me, "I'm positive this is nothing. But since you're worried about it, we're going to check it out anyway." Ironic, right? Unfortunately, he IS human, and he was wrong, it was something afterall, and DOUBLE unfortunately, Jeff was there when he said he was positive its nothing.... therefore he doubts the doctor, the results, and in my opinion, my word, but I could just be being sensitive.

He hasn't walked out yet, so I guess that means he's here. But its going to get ugly. I started a treatment wednesday, and had a severe adverse reaction that, I just cannot bring myself to say, but they had to stop the treatment, and I go in the 31st, and we're going to re-assess my options. Surgery is in my near future, and that is about all I know.

So... there it is.