Day 03 - A picture of what you did today

Day 03 - A picture of what you did today

A dream I had.

I had a dream [or a glimpse of my life in another dimension, who knows] and I'm a successful narcotics officer, I'm happy, I'm good at my job, I enjoy it, I'm healthy, I'm in a solid relationship with another cop, and I have emphasis on helping little kids who get screwed up in drug homes when they're busted up and parents go away. But I'm not the least bit unhappy or unhealthy. And I'm in a bigger city too, I couldn't tell where. I absorbed as many details as I could... even the coffee, & color of my hair, it was very interesting.

I had my natural blonde hair, I was wearing boots & tailored jeans, a button down pinstriped top & had my hair pinned up. I was wearing a fitted to my waist length leather jacket, and almost no makeup on. Powder, eyeliner, mascara. I had a coffee cup in my hand, steaming, and it was a department mug, and my left hand was covering the logo so I still couldn't see what city I was in. Lol!

There were more details, but I couldn't explain them to make them make sense to anyone. Like the smell of fresh lumber, early mornings, the air made me think I was near water, being a superior officer to several others, but not so superior I'm not in the field, and respected by my peers, and the ability to get through to these kids. It was all very interesting.

Day 02 - A picture of what you wore today

Day 02 - A picture of what you wore today


that shirt & these jeans

Day 01 - A picture of yourself

Day 01 - A picture of yourself

Booklist shizz 8/24/10

So, I'm doing this thing with Evie, where we talk about the books we're reading & stuff... and since uts tyoed out :diddle I thought I'd post. This is my current book list. Its RAD! I'm gonna list all the books I've read in 2010, and rate them 1-5 on a spreadsheet soon. I'm trying to keep track of Evie's too, so I can read what she's read that I haven't. (It's a BFF thing. Plus our taste is identical, except I love the Vampire Diaries series and she didn't.)

Here!

1. Eternal - Cynthia Leitich Smith (done)
2. Tantalize - Cynthia Leitich Smith (done)
3. Blind Faith – Ellen Wittlinger
4. Heart on my sleeve – Ellen Wittlinger (book in email format!)
5. Define “Normal” – Julie Peters
6. Maximum Ride series: Angel Experiment (1) – James Patterson * - missing title; on order
7. Maximum Ride series: Schools out Forever (2)– James Patterson
8. Maximum Ride series: Saving the world & other extreme sports (3) – James Patterson
9. Maximum Ride series: The Final Warning (4) – James Patterson
10. Maximum Ride series: Max (5) – James Patterson
11. Maximum Ride series: Fang (6) – James Patterson
12. The SWEEP series: The Book of Shadows (1) – Cate Tiernan* - missing title; on order
13. The SWEEP series: The Coven (2) – Cate Tiernan
14. The SWEEP series: Blood Witch (3) – Cate Tiernan
15. The SWEEP series: Dark Magick (4) – Cate Tiernan
16. The SWEEP series: Awakening (5) – Cate Tiernan
17. The SWEEP series: Spellbound (6) – Cate Tiernan * - missing title; on order
18. The SWEEP series: The Calling (7) – Cate Tiernan
19. The SWEEP series: Changeling (8) – Cate Tiernan
20. The SWEEP series: Strife (9) – Cate Tiernan
21. The SWEEP series: Seeker (10) – Cate Tiernan
22. The SWEEP series: Origins (11) – Cate Tiernan
23. The SWEEP series: Eclipse (12) – Cate Tiernan
24. The SWEEP series: Reckoning (13) – Cate Tiernan
25. The SWEEP series: Full Circle (14) – Cate Tiernan
26. The SWEEP series: Night’s Child (1) – Cate Tiernan* - missing title; on order
27. Shadow People – Joyce McDonald
28. The Rules of Survival – Nancy Werlin
29. Flora Segunda – Ysabeau S. Wilce
30. Daughters of the Moon Series: Goddess of the Night (1) - Lynne Ewing (done)
31. Daughters of the Moon Series: Into the Cold Fire (2)- Lynne Ewing (done)
32. Daughters of the Moon Series: Night Shade (3)- Lynne Ewing (done)
33. Daughters of the Moon Series: The Secret Scroll (4) - Lynne Ewing (done)
34. Daughters of the Moon Series: The Sacrifice (5) - Lynne Ewing (done)
35. Daughters of the Moon Series: The Lost One (6) - Lynne Ewing (done)
36. Daughters of the Moon Series: Moon Demon (7) - Lynne Ewing
37. Daughters of the Moon Series: Possession (8) - Lynne Ewing
38. Daughters of the Moon Series: The Choice (9) - Lynne Ewing * - missing title; on order
39. Daughters of the Moon Series: The Talisman (10) - Lynne Ewing
40. Daughters of the Moon Series: The Prophecy (11) - Lynne Ewing
41. Daughters of the Moon Series: The Becoming (12) - Lynne Ewing
42. Daughters of the Moon Series: The Final Eclipse (13) - Lynne Ewing

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Phenomena

Watched the Ruins for the first time just now. Was kinda okay in a rad way. Then at the end credit I was like, what is that song? I know it... I love it... what is it? WHO is it? Well. Here we go.

might as well get this over with.

Hey guys.
Let me preface this with, please, I don't want you to say you're so sorry or anything, its not like that. I don't want sympathy, I'm simply giving an explanation to something for my friends.

You all know I've been sick, a long time. I battle migraines regularly, as well as Chron's disease, but there has been something else. Something that has been around for 3 years, that went undiagnosed until April 2009. My previous doctor was my doctor of 7 years, and he misdiagnosed me with cervical cancer and preovarian cancer. Some of you know that I went thru chemo and everything. And didn't have it. [Well, preovarian, I did, I do, but what he was treating me for, was false.] He was wrong. But I trusted him. Thats why I am leery to come out about this now.

Last tuesday, August 17th, I got my biopsy results back from my doctor. Now, before I get into it, there are 2 facts you'll need to know to understand why its weird for me to have this. 1) I am NEGATIVE for HPV of any level. 2) I am under the age of 50 obviously. But I do have autoimmune disorder.

Now, what I have is Cancer. It is called Vulvar Intraepithelial Neoplasia. But mine is not precancerous neoplasia, its cancerous, stage 2, stage 3 is the worst. Shorthand for it is VIN2. Its uncommon, unless a girl has hpv, but I dont have hpv, or anyother std or anything, never have had. But these lumps under my skin, I have had for 3 years that I know of, maybe longer that the doctor (nor myself) noticed.

I've been leery to come out about it, when it is the real deal, because I don't want all the questions. Like, "why should we believe you now, or how do you know its for real" when even my boyfriend is questioning me, saying "whats different now, why are you scared now" and acting entirely unphased, when all I want, is for him to give me the love and support that I need... because I am coming apart at the seams. My dad is too. I've only told my dad, my boyfriend, Evie, and Jenn.... up until now. My dad is flipping, Evie isn't talking about it (for good reason, I'm sure, she always has good reasons for everything she does or doesn't do) and as I said, Jeff, is acting unphased, and truly doesn't believe that they're right. The fact of the matter is, its the 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions. The biopsy was analyzed, and conclusive, but the doctor sent the sample out of state, for a specialist's opinion, just in case.

When I went in for the biopsy, he told me, "I'm positive this is nothing. But since you're worried about it, we're going to check it out anyway." Ironic, right? Unfortunately, he IS human, and he was wrong, it was something afterall, and DOUBLE unfortunately, Jeff was there when he said he was positive its nothing.... therefore he doubts the doctor, the results, and in my opinion, my word, but I could just be being sensitive.

He hasn't walked out yet, so I guess that means he's here. But its going to get ugly. I started a treatment wednesday, and had a severe adverse reaction that, I just cannot bring myself to say, but they had to stop the treatment, and I go in the 31st, and we're going to re-assess my options. Surgery is in my near future, and that is about all I know.

So... there it is.