Me, Him, Cary, It all working out, & the pain.

Sorrow rebuild me as I step out of the light
Misery strengthen me as I say my goodbyes
I heal my wounds with grief
And dream of you
And weep myself alive
-HIM

The perfect words, that apply to life. Like when John Denver & Jonathan McEuen both said "this old guitar gave me my lovely lady, opened up her eyes and ears to me. it brought us close together and i guess it broke her heart, opened up a place for us to be. what a lovely place, lovely space to be." I've learned that a broken heart, whatever form it comes in, is a blank canvas for something beautiful to grow from. ;) I love you Jeff.


Crimson Regrets

-Cary

Good song, right? I have my own set of crimson regrets. Shit most of you will never understand. Mostly because I have no desire to explain it. I know Jeff gets it, Cary definitely gets it. I'm not Scarlet Maleficent for no reason. Thank you both for your part in that.. & the healing process.



Cherry, cherry, boom, boom
Gaga

Boy, we've had a real good time
And I wish you the best on your way, eh, eh
I didn't mean to hurt you
I never thought we'd fall out of place, eh, eh

I have something that I love long, long
But my friends keepa' tellin' me that something's wrong
Then I met someone
And eh, there's nothing else I can say

Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, I wish he never looked at me that way
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh

Not that I don't care about you
Just that things got so compliqué, eh, eh
I met somebody cute and funny
Got each other and that's funny, eh, eh, eh

I have something that I love long, long
But my friends keepa' tellin' me that something's wrong
Then I met someone
And eh, there's nothing else I can say

Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, I wish he never looked at me that way
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh

I have something that I love long, long
But my friends keepa' tellin' me that something's wrong
Then I met someone
And eh, there's nothing else I can say

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, wish he never looked at me that way
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say

Eh, eh, wish he never looked at me that way
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, cherry, cherry, boom, boom

Eh, eh
Oh, yeah
All I can say is, eh

~~~~
Sometimes the most painful things in life turn out to be the best things. The things that make us stronger, that make us learn to appreciate life & love & friendship. Bring us close together, tear us apart, make us love, hate, and I am so thankful for this journey.

Light & love....
-me

life lately.

pardon me in advance, for the emotes. the things that look like this: :word :smile :angry, etc. I typed this originally on VF... so, my apologies.

I'm all upside down these days.
I'm happy. I am thrilled with life with Jeff - so no one panic.
But like, the last 9 days...
Ive been so sick... with what i thought was
the flu, but its been forever. :angry and my right ear
canal has swollen shut because of it, and I am
literally deaf in that ear... but i guess
supposedly according to my dr its temporary.
But seriously, thursday I got the first and worst earache imaginable
and by that night I couldnt hear... and
its only gotten worse. Since the hearing damage
to my LEFT ear is permanent, and I have 65-75% hearing loss
and so that leaves me now... currently.. almost totally deaf.
I'm sitting here :emo Emo & crying because i am trying to listen
to music and can barely hear it... and its so loud.
I'm so afraid of losing my hearing.. totally...
never hearing music... never hearing my pups... Jeffs voice... Evie...
the roar of a big block chevy... just never hearing again.
im constantly in pain. and sad... its weird.
because while im sad im so happy.... He makes me so happy.
Everything is perfectly flawed with us, in every way it should be.
Valentines day... deserves its own seperate journal, so it will get one.
But like, I emailed JLynn, and said... the best I can say...
"we are noah and allie from the notebook. when hes not around & we fight i cant breath.
when hes at work he texts me constantly. we count the moments...
there are so many things i just dont know how to put into words or
in a picture or anything... because nothing represents it."
And thats all pretty accurate... but yet not enough.
Because I hear him in every love song, find him in every dream
and every tomorrow, so... He, I... Us.. we are indescribable.

i havent been online and around though lately because ive
been so sick. im so upside down with my body though...
i dunno what to do to fix it.

I wanna show you all my ring & roses & puppy & stuff.

Jeff bought me a fish. :diddle
The fish is a black moors, and Jeffs last name is moore
so, I named the fish
"Jasper the Lady Gaga Black Moors Moore" :laughchair
I wanted to name him Jasper, for jasper cullen
because he's my favorite cullen, and Jeff gave me a Jasper cullen valentine :XD
But he also bought me the lady gaga CD [major guilty pleasure] Sooooooo Jeff was like "I was thinking we name him Lady Gaga" So I was like, why? Lady Gaga is a girl...
then we both laughed because, duh, she's a hermaphradite
Soooo, I came up with Jasper the Lady Gaga Black Moors Moore. :diddle

Okay. I gotta blow this joint. More later.

Valentines day roses from my love.

I'd like to share my Snapfish photos with you. Once you have checked out my photos you can order prints and upload your own photos to share.
Click here to view photos

Playlist of songs I made for Jeff for Vday

The ring, from Jeff, "I love you will you be my broad?" :)

I'd like to share my Snapfish photos with you. Once you have checked out my photos you can order prints and upload your own photos to share.
Click here to view photos

Dear Grandma,

Dear Grandma,
I've only been mad at you 3 times that I can remember my whole life.
Well, today is number four.

How dare you, not teach me all that you had to teach.
You were such a good cook (when you wanted to be.) You were an amazing lady with all things baked goods, and you made the most bitchin hams ever. And I want you to know that right now I am SEVERELY PISSED OF AT YOU FOR DYING WITHOUT EVER TAKING THE TIME TO TEACH ME. I'm making a ham. FINE! I'm making a glaze. NOT FINE! I have never met anything in the kitchen I can't do UNTIL IT WAS TIME TO MAKE A FUCKING HAM GLAZE! because I followed the directions. I improvised. I was logical. I made it with love, and GUESS WHAT?? NO GLAZE!!! And there is no one else to ask. Dad's busy doing errands, & cannot do cell phone & other things, mom is dead and even if not, USELESS in the kitchen as far as I know, I have NO OTHER FAMILY.... my FRIENDS won't give me their GOD DAMN PHONE NUMBERS so I can text them .... and Jeff is at work. sad

it really makes one feel.... alone... when she looks around and realizes she has practically no one. I have Evie. I have Dad. I have Jeff. Where is everyone else?

I miss you, grandma. And I really need you around these days, and I am sad.
I hope things are better wherever it is that you roam these days. I hope you don't have to make ham glazes there. I love you.

and I can't make a ham glaze. FML.

Love always,
your favorite granddaughter.