Confessions of a Tattooed Soul

I've got a lot on my mind.

Monday, June 14, 2010

My letter & plea for medical help.


This is the letter I sat down & wrote. I am sending it to Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, "The Doctors", UCLA, UCSF, UC Davis, Johns Hopkins, Duke, Stanford, Sansom Clinic. Those are all I've thought of, and that my friends have suggested. If you have further suggestions, please fill me in.
_______________________________________________________________________
Before I was walking, my mother set me on a concrete picnic bench at a park, and turned her back & I fell head first & hit right on my hairline in the middle of my forehead on a concrete floor. To this minute I have a cranial “lump” where I hit my head, that I try to hide with my bangs. I have told every doctor that has ever treated me, and they never look into it, they slough it off like it is no big deal. I remember being in first grade and second grade and having headaches so bad it affected the way I would hear the teacher & see the board. I always had to be moved to the front of the classroom. When I was 9, they became noticeably worse; I attribute it to hormones because that is when I hit puberty. When I was 15 I was officially diagnosed with migraines. I have had these “headaches” as long as I can remember. Now at the age of 26, I can honestly say that I get them almost daily. They start as an agitating headache & progress rapidly into a migraine. At least 3 days out of the week, my light sensitivity and sound sensitivity get so bad, that I have to have total silence, I cannot drive, I cannot go outside, I cannot have the lights on, and I throw up violently. When I am lucky, and do not throw up, the nausea is unbearable. Caffeine has been known to help, although not remove the headache. I have been on every migraine medication that I have ever heard of, so many, that I have honestly lost track of the mental list. Some made me worse, others just made me catatonic. Others still yet (Depacote, Topomax) gave me such awful side effects that there was no way to distinguish whether or not there was improvement. Migraines are by far the worst malady I suffer, however, not the only. When I was 16 I was sent in for a colonoscopy because of stomach problems I was having, and was diagnosed with Gastritis & Irritable Bowel Syndrome (the latter, I dismissed, thinking the doctor was giving me a generic diagnosis, not taking me seriously.) When I was either 20, or 21, I was diagnosed with Chron’s Disease, Chron’s Colitis, and Irritable bowel disease. This was after a 4 day stay in the hospital, from chronic diarrhea & vomiting leading to severe dehydration. The doctor at the emergency room (from where I was admitted) had the foresight to check both my upper GI tract as well as my lower, and referred me to a gastroenterologist for follow-up. I still suffer Chron’s flairs constantly. I’m in a really bad catch 22, because the migraines make me stressed, the stress triggers Chron’s, I get violently sick, which makes my headaches worse. Needless to say it affects my mental disposition, makes my depression worse, makes me more stressed, triggers my Chron’s, makes my headaches worse. Or I have an anxiety attack, which triggers a migraine, and then my Chron’s gets worse, which makes me more depressed/anxious/stressed. I’ve gotten so sick, on several occasions, that I have to go to the ER to get rehydrated, because I cannot keep down fluids or food. On a daily basis, every muscle, every joint in my body hurts so bad that normal life function is almost impossible. In addition to this, when I was 16 I was misdiagnosed with Endometriosis, and the gynecologist gave me a shot of Lupron as a solution, putting my body through fake menopause. It has left me with a myriad of side effects that still plague me to this day. I have “female issues” that are quite extensive, including dysmenorrheal that when allowed to have a menstrual cycle, is so bad I literally am unable to stand and walk, so we’re constantly rotating types of birth control to stop my periods. At the moment it is Depo-Provera, which I am having luck with in THAT department, but I am well aware that one of the many side effects is increased, more severe headaches. I can’t win. I cannot get proper medical treatment, because I cannot afford insurance. I cannot hold a job, because I always end up too sick, and get fired or asked to quit. I miss too much time. Therefore I have no income. I have been denied disability because I am only 26 and do not “have enough work history.” I have been denied SSI three times, and am filing again, this time I’m hoping an attorney will help me with my case so I can get medical help. As it stands, I am miserable; I am unable to live my daily life. I cannot afford Botox, or any Triptan medications, although they didn’t help much anyway, the only thing that ever gave me temporary relief was the Imitrex injections, but even those didn’t last. Imitrex nasal spray made me worse, and Imitrex pills made me have rebound headaches worse than the original migraine. Midrin did nothing, Zomig did nothing, there are many others, but as I mentioned, I cannot remember all of their names. My pain gets so bad, I get halos, then my vision gets blurry, and I go “blind” so to speak, I cannot make anything out. I cannot eat normal healthy foods, because vegetables make my Chron’s ten times worse, I cannot eat the unhealthy fried foods, because they make me sick, I cannot eat anything hot or spicy because it renders me sick for several days. I have cut so much out of my diet that there is not much I CAN eat because of how sick it makes me. Eating is a stressor, because inevitably anything I eat makes me sick. My Chron’s is not under control with medication, again because of no money or insurance. I have been to so many neurologists, and gastroenterologists (when I was married, I am not long since divorced) and none of them were able to help me. Gastroenterologists’ tried various medications until they stopped working, and then resolved to not knowing what else to do, and passed me along to another doctor. The same thing happens with neurologists. When I get passed to a new doctor, they start me over at square one and I have to go through the whole routine again, I’m like a car, stuck in the mud. The wheels are turning but I’m not getting anywhere. I have been to UCLA, UCSF, Sansom Clinic, and Dr. Neil Raskin at UCSF referred me back to my hometown neurologist, who said, “I’ve done everything I know to do, and I am not sure what else to do to help you.” UCLA told me to change my diet & do yoga, I told her that I did do yoga and had been doing it for a few years at that time, and she said, then there was nothing she could do to help me because everything she would advise to try had already been done, I did try the diet change (again) that she suggested because I know as we age our bodies change. When I first was diagnosed, my neurologist had me cut out itemized things one at a time to make sure it wasn’t an allergen that was causing it. None of the foods at the time proved to be the cause, but, since I was older when I went to UCLA, I did it again, but had the same results. Sansom Clinic had ideas for treatment that required me to stay for 2 weeks, but I was financially unable to afford the stay at that time, and very soon after (within months, and before I was able to afford it) I lost my insurance, because I turned 18. I come from a single parent household, my mother is deceased, and my father is disabled and cannot afford to give me financial assistance, as he barely gets by. I have no other family. When I go to the ER, they have a special county program that I have to jump through hoops for (and I do) and it is supposed to pay for the ER visit and subsequent medication & hospital stay when admitted and the doctor that I see while I am there. Somehow, everytime, 3-5 months later, I am sent bills, for thousands of dollars, hence another trigger of stress & panic & desperation, hence another trigger of major migraine & severe Chron’s flair, and another trip to the ER, add that to my catch 22. I have tried biofeedback, acupuncture, acupressure, botox, yoga, medications, Cranial Sacro Therapy, none help me more than temporarily. I am pleading, for someone, to please help me find the cause to cure it, and not just treat the symptoms. I have since then declined health wise to the point that yoga kills me, pain wise, and I am literally, in constant pain twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. It is negatively affecting my relationship and the rest of my life in general. I even had to literally fight to keep my driver’s license, because one doctor wanted to send paperwork to the state and have my license revoked. If that were to happen, I couldn’t legally get my disable father to the doctor or hospital in case of emergency, or myself, since sometimes I am the only option to get myself there, and that would potentially get me arrested, because I could not pay the fine, adding more stress adding more illness. PLEASE, if you cannot help me, can you refer, or recommend me to someone who can? There has to be an organization somewhere willing to help me, that I just haven’t found, although I have been researching for years. My dad is in poor health, he is going to be 66 in October, and has been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and is fighting cancer for the second time, and this is causing him a great deal of stress as I am his only child & he worries what is going to happen to me, if something happens to him. We are the only family each other has.
I thank you, very much for your time in reading this, and any consideration and/or cooperation that you give my circumstance.
Very Respectfully,
Faith Lowery
..............
Visalia, Ca. 93277
(559) --- ----
(559) --- ----
Scarletmaleficent@yahoo.com –or- xxxxxxxxxx@xxxxxxxxxx
(The latter is my father’s, as most days, it is extremely difficult for me to look at a computer screen, and I often do not get to check my email as a result.)

This is the surgery I'm contemplating

Migraine Relief

Shows

Shows

Migraine Sufferers, READ THIS!

Hi guys. So I'm working on getting help with my lifelong migraine battle. I found this article. His English syntax is different, so try and fill in the adverbs yourself, but this article is so full of knowledge.

The author:
http://www.thedoctorstv.com/migrainesurgery

The source:
http://www.thedoctorstv.com/migrainesurgery/posts/5948-When-Money-Come-first-disasters-happen-

"When Doctors in FDA and AAN (American academy of neurology) knew about my migraine surgery, and my migraine new truth that only extra cranial arteries causes all kinds of migraine headaches, and still agree to give migraine patients TRIPTANS, and BOTOX, this mean one think that Money come first not the health of migraine patients.

You can see this truth easy.

They give Triptans medications for relief of migraine headaches!

You will see how silly to give Triptans that make all vessels of the body to contract while the vessels that need this medications are only on the skin.

Triptans can kill migraine patients because Triptans make the vessels of the heart too much smaller in diameter, so this mean less blood can supply the heart muscles.

Can you imagine if young migraine patients have migraine and he has to play a football game, and he has migraine headaches? He will take 2 tabs of triptans because he needs too much to play this game.

In the time of game his heart need too much blood supply, but due to Triptans heart vessels can't give the blood. The heart reaction in this case can be fatal.

How many migraine patients were suicides since FDA and AAN knew about my migraine surgery in 2001, 2000 for AAN.

AAN said that migraine is the first reason for suicides in youth ages.

About Botox in migraine you can read this:
http://www.thedoctorstv.com/migrainesurgery/posts/5828-Botox-the-Big-Lie-for-migraine
Everyone who hides the truth he is responsible of migraine patient's suicides, and side effects of Triptans and Botox.
I think that money come first not only in FDA and AAN, but also in the place that can go after the truth even if FDA and AAN want to hide it."

"Healthified" Blueberry-Lemon Tart



"Healthified" Blueberry-Lemon Tart

Crust
1/3 cup butter, softened
3 tablespoons packed brown sugar
2 tablespoons fat-free egg product
1 cup Gold Medal® all-purpose flour
Filling
1/2 cup lemon curd (from 10-oz jar)
1/2 cup fat-free sour cream

1. Heat oven to 400°F. In medium bowl, beat butter and brown sugar with electric mixer on low speed until fluffy. Beat in egg product until blended. Beat in flour until dough forms. Press dough firmly in bottom and up side of ungreased 9-inch tart pan with removable bottom. Prick bottom thoroughly with fork.
2. Bake 10 to 12 minutes or until light golden brown. If crust puffs in center, prick with fork. Cool 30 minutes or until completely cooled.
3. In small bowl, beat lemon curd and sour cream with wire whisk until smooth. Spread evenly over crust. Refrigerate at least 1 hour. Just before serving, top with blueberries.

What is “Healthified”?
We've replaced ingredients with great-tasting alternatives to create better-for-you recipes that are just as yummy as the originals.
Success
Because the crust will sometimes puff a little in the middle during baking, pricking it again after baking helps "deflate" the puffing. One or two pokes with a fork should do the trick!
Substitution
Use raspberries or strawberries in place of the blueberries, or any combo of the three, for a berry good way to take advantage of seasonal specials.

Nutrition Information:
1 Serving: Calories 200 (Calories from Fat 60); Total Fat 7g (Saturated Fat 4 1/2g, Trans Fat 0g); Cholesterol 30mg; Sodium 80mg; Total Carbohydrate 31g (Dietary Fiber 1g, Sugars 18g); Protein 2g Percent Daily Value*: Vitamin A 6%; Vitamin C 4%; Calcium 2%; Iron 4% Exchanges: 1/2 Starch; 1 1/2 Other Carbohydrate; 0 Vegetable; 1 1/2 Fat Carbohydrate Choices: 2
*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet

Saturday, June 12, 2010

The pain of wonder.

I mourn for the solace of the arms that could hold
And the love he could give
And my eyes, whose tears sting
Like the acid of the rain
That falls in the melting of my heart
In the silence of my mind
That rips me apart.
The advantage in this game
In this war that is played
That destroys every bit of sanity I've found.
The peace he could bring
With the eyes that cut deep
And the words that shred through my thoughts
The lonliness that burns
As my bleeding stomach churns
As I scream
And I beg to release me
From this pain
Love me forever whole & true
Or not at all
Each night through
Don't leave me to wonder
And wander alone
These dangerous thoughts...
For the love that I mourn.

NHRA Story » Accident claims life of Alcohol Funny Car competitor in Englishtown

This is so terrible, tragic. All my respect and condolences to the Parker family, his race team and his fellow racers.

NHRA Story » Accident claims life of Alcohol Funny Car competitor in Englishtown

Friday, June 11, 2010

Broken down

I go to bed, but I do not sleep.
My head hangs heavy above my heart.
The pain so intense
I no longer feel.
Broken down and tear stained cheeks
Blood shot eyes, I hide my face.
You can see my pain but you cannot feel
How deep the wound
that will not heal.

My major 80's moment

Jeff. You'll never read this, I know you, BUT, no matter what... this is it. I'll always love you.




You should've seen by the look in my eyes, baby
There was somethin' missin'
You should've known by the tone of my voice, maybe
But you didn't listen

You played dead but you never bled
Instead you lay still in the grass
All coiled up and hissin'

And though I know all about those men
Still I don't remember
'Cause it was us baby, way before then
And we're still together

And I meant, every word I said
When I said that I love you
I meant that I love you forever

And I'm gonna keep on lovin' you
'Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I don't wanna sleep, I just wanna keep on lovin' you

And I meant every word I said
When I said that I love you
I meant that I love you forever

And I'm gonna keep on lovin' you
'Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I don't wanna sleep, I just wanna keep on lovin' you

Baby, I'm gonna keep on lovin' you
'Cause it's the only thing I wanna do
I don't wanna sleep, I just wanna keep on lovin' you

Keep on lovin' you, baby

© FATE MUSIC

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Nope.

I cannot, take anymore.
Of anything, from anyone.
I am always there to help people
solve their problems
and pick up their own broken fucking
lives and when I fall apart Im on my own.
And to some, I point it out & get
the classic response "Oh" or "I know"

Well ya know what?
I don't get paid enough to fix your life
in fact I dont get paid at all.

Now, I am dealing with shit of my own.
Big shit.
So please don't start with me.

AS for real life & whats happening...
I don't think I can deal with much more there, either.
And apparently no one is listening when I beg
to PLEASE not wake up from this sleep.

Fucking sick sadistic universe.