life lately.

pardon me in advance, for the emotes. the things that look like this: :word :smile :angry, etc. I typed this originally on VF... so, my apologies.

I'm all upside down these days.
I'm happy. I am thrilled with life with Jeff - so no one panic.
But like, the last 9 days...
Ive been so sick... with what i thought was
the flu, but its been forever. :angry and my right ear
canal has swollen shut because of it, and I am
literally deaf in that ear... but i guess
supposedly according to my dr its temporary.
But seriously, thursday I got the first and worst earache imaginable
and by that night I couldnt hear... and
its only gotten worse. Since the hearing damage
to my LEFT ear is permanent, and I have 65-75% hearing loss
and so that leaves me now... currently.. almost totally deaf.
I'm sitting here :emo Emo & crying because i am trying to listen
to music and can barely hear it... and its so loud.
I'm so afraid of losing my hearing.. totally...
never hearing music... never hearing my pups... Jeffs voice... Evie...
the roar of a big block chevy... just never hearing again.
im constantly in pain. and sad... its weird.
because while im sad im so happy.... He makes me so happy.
Everything is perfectly flawed with us, in every way it should be.
Valentines day... deserves its own seperate journal, so it will get one.
But like, I emailed JLynn, and said... the best I can say...
"we are noah and allie from the notebook. when hes not around & we fight i cant breath.
when hes at work he texts me constantly. we count the moments...
there are so many things i just dont know how to put into words or
in a picture or anything... because nothing represents it."
And thats all pretty accurate... but yet not enough.
Because I hear him in every love song, find him in every dream
and every tomorrow, so... He, I... Us.. we are indescribable.

i havent been online and around though lately because ive
been so sick. im so upside down with my body though...
i dunno what to do to fix it.

I wanna show you all my ring & roses & puppy & stuff.

Jeff bought me a fish. :diddle
The fish is a black moors, and Jeffs last name is moore
so, I named the fish
"Jasper the Lady Gaga Black Moors Moore" :laughchair
I wanted to name him Jasper, for jasper cullen
because he's my favorite cullen, and Jeff gave me a Jasper cullen valentine :XD
But he also bought me the lady gaga CD [major guilty pleasure] Sooooooo Jeff was like "I was thinking we name him Lady Gaga" So I was like, why? Lady Gaga is a girl...
then we both laughed because, duh, she's a hermaphradite
Soooo, I came up with Jasper the Lady Gaga Black Moors Moore. :diddle

Okay. I gotta blow this joint. More later.