I cannot, take anymore.
Of anything, from anyone.
I am always there to help people
solve their problems
and pick up their own broken fucking
lives and when I fall apart Im on my own.
And to some, I point it out & get
the classic response "Oh" or "I know"
Well ya know what?
I don't get paid enough to fix your life
in fact I dont get paid at all.
Now, I am dealing with shit of my own.
Big shit.
So please don't start with me.
AS for real life & whats happening...
I don't think I can deal with much more there, either.
And apparently no one is listening when I beg
to PLEASE not wake up from this sleep.
Fucking sick sadistic universe.
Scarlet Maleficent - Flagrantly offensive doing evil or harm. Enough Said.
Showing posts with label Pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pain. Show all posts
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
3 years ago, this day.
Sometimes, someone so dynamic walks through your life...
that when they walk away, the energy they had still resonates
through every fiber of your being.
so that when you close your eyes you can still feel them there.
Remember their touch, their smell and their smile.
and you can’t help but smile, …. Back at the memory.
and you look beside you as you see their footprints...
far to strong to fade away.
And still... I live on. My life a map of everything I am, and ever have been, remembering sights unseen and uncried tears, and tracing the laugh lines they left behind.
T.Paul's body may not be here... but he's more alive than ever.
He ... is... like the wind. Everywhere. Only alive and well and on his way around the world and back.... schooling *us* on what it is to be unabashedly happy.... without reservations. Its amazing.....
But, then… as I said, sometimes, someone so dynamic walks through your life...
that when they walk away, the energy they had still resonates
through every fiber of your being.
so that when you close your eyes you can still feel them there.
Remember their touch, their smell and their smile.
and you can’t help but smile, …. Back at the memory.
and you look beside you as you see their footprints...
far to strong to fade away.
Copyright Faith Lowery 2010
♥♥Timothy Paule Ste. Marie♥♥
"Sorrow rebuild me as I step out of the light Misery strengthen me as I say my goodbyes I heal my wounds with grief And dream of you And weep myself alive" - HIM
The only person to ever loved me unconditionally died May 31 2007.
His name was T.Paul Ste. Marie... he was... is... my best friend. Three years later, I still find myself forcing breathe between the tears, But I close my eyes, and still see him there.
After he died, too little too late I learned to appreciate every moment of my life. Until my last breath my friend, missing you always.
Where The Moss Slowly Grows
And so another journey has come to an end
Another moment passed
that will not, will not come again
Resting in the shade of oaks,
so it has always been
And it's true that i'll miss you
but i'll see, i'll see you again
I'll see you again
Embrace, this joy this pain
Don't miss this chance, it will not come again
You mean more than you may ever know
Don't linger where the moss slowly grows
There are so many things I wish I could've said
It might not have changed your mind
but sometimes we just need hope alleged
Above the mountains shadow
the sunset timly glows
The oaks will look down on our heads
forever and our dreams will be no more
We should not ever let them go
Embrace, this joy, this pain
Don't miss this chance, it will not come again
You mean more than you may ever know
Don't linger where the moss slowly grows
I remember those summers
stretched on without end
Future comes so loudly and the oaks,
the oaks were silent then
Silence forever, conversations in my head
Might not have changed your mind
but if we'd spoken
Here's what i'd have said
Here's what I would've said....
Embrace, this joy this pain
Don't miss this chance, it will not come again
You mean more than you may ever know
Don't linger where the moss slowly grows
that when they walk away, the energy they had still resonates
through every fiber of your being.
so that when you close your eyes you can still feel them there.
Remember their touch, their smell and their smile.
and you can’t help but smile, …. Back at the memory.
and you look beside you as you see their footprints...
far to strong to fade away.
And still... I live on. My life a map of everything I am, and ever have been, remembering sights unseen and uncried tears, and tracing the laugh lines they left behind.
T.Paul's body may not be here... but he's more alive than ever.
He ... is... like the wind. Everywhere. Only alive and well and on his way around the world and back.... schooling *us* on what it is to be unabashedly happy.... without reservations. Its amazing.....
But, then… as I said, sometimes, someone so dynamic walks through your life...
that when they walk away, the energy they had still resonates
through every fiber of your being.
so that when you close your eyes you can still feel them there.
Remember their touch, their smell and their smile.
and you can’t help but smile, …. Back at the memory.
and you look beside you as you see their footprints...
far to strong to fade away.
Copyright Faith Lowery 2010
♥♥Timothy Paule Ste. Marie♥♥
"Sorrow rebuild me as I step out of the light Misery strengthen me as I say my goodbyes I heal my wounds with grief And dream of you And weep myself alive" - HIM
The only person to ever loved me unconditionally died May 31 2007.
His name was T.Paul Ste. Marie... he was... is... my best friend. Three years later, I still find myself forcing breathe between the tears, But I close my eyes, and still see him there.
After he died, too little too late I learned to appreciate every moment of my life. Until my last breath my friend, missing you always.
Where The Moss Slowly Grows
And so another journey has come to an end
Another moment passed
that will not, will not come again
Resting in the shade of oaks,
so it has always been
And it's true that i'll miss you
but i'll see, i'll see you again
I'll see you again
Embrace, this joy this pain
Don't miss this chance, it will not come again
You mean more than you may ever know
Don't linger where the moss slowly grows
There are so many things I wish I could've said
It might not have changed your mind
but sometimes we just need hope alleged
Above the mountains shadow
the sunset timly glows
The oaks will look down on our heads
forever and our dreams will be no more
We should not ever let them go
Embrace, this joy, this pain
Don't miss this chance, it will not come again
You mean more than you may ever know
Don't linger where the moss slowly grows
I remember those summers
stretched on without end
Future comes so loudly and the oaks,
the oaks were silent then
Silence forever, conversations in my head
Might not have changed your mind
but if we'd spoken
Here's what i'd have said
Here's what I would've said....
Embrace, this joy this pain
Don't miss this chance, it will not come again
You mean more than you may ever know
Don't linger where the moss slowly grows
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Migraines & Stanford University.
I am going to be going to Stanford University medical center, to get a battery of tests done - and they're going to re-diagnose, and treat my migraines, as well as try to find the source of them, to attempt to eliminate them, [Im not even sure that is possible...] But they're going to make it managable so that I can go back to school hopefully, and finish my cosmo licnse, and live a "normal" life... they're doing it all for free....... They're gonna work hand in hand with my doctor at family healthcare network, so I don't have to go back & forth - they're even covering medication.
UPDATE 6-10: Still haven't been approved, so the process hasn't begun.
UPDATE 6-10: Still haven't been approved, so the process hasn't begun.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Me, Him, Cary, It all working out, & the pain.
Sorrow rebuild me as I step out of the light
Misery strengthen me as I say my goodbyes
I heal my wounds with grief
And dream of you
And weep myself alive
-HIM
The perfect words, that apply to life. Like when John Denver & Jonathan McEuen both said "this old guitar gave me my lovely lady, opened up her eyes and ears to me. it brought us close together and i guess it broke her heart, opened up a place for us to be. what a lovely place, lovely space to be." I've learned that a broken heart, whatever form it comes in, is a blank canvas for something beautiful to grow from. ;) I love you Jeff.
Crimson Regrets
-Cary
Good song, right? I have my own set of crimson regrets. Shit most of you will never understand. Mostly because I have no desire to explain it. I know Jeff gets it, Cary definitely gets it. I'm not Scarlet Maleficent for no reason. Thank you both for your part in that.. & the healing process.
Cherry, cherry, boom, boom
Gaga
Boy, we've had a real good time
And I wish you the best on your way, eh, eh
I didn't mean to hurt you
I never thought we'd fall out of place, eh, eh
I have something that I love long, long
But my friends keepa' tellin' me that something's wrong
Then I met someone
And eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, I wish he never looked at me that way
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh
Not that I don't care about you
Just that things got so compliqué, eh, eh
I met somebody cute and funny
Got each other and that's funny, eh, eh, eh
I have something that I love long, long
But my friends keepa' tellin' me that something's wrong
Then I met someone
And eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, I wish he never looked at me that way
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh
I have something that I love long, long
But my friends keepa' tellin' me that something's wrong
Then I met someone
And eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, wish he never looked at me that way
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, wish he never looked at me that way
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, cherry, cherry, boom, boom
Eh, eh
Oh, yeah
All I can say is, eh
~~~~
Sometimes the most painful things in life turn out to be the best things. The things that make us stronger, that make us learn to appreciate life & love & friendship. Bring us close together, tear us apart, make us love, hate, and I am so thankful for this journey.
Light & love....
-me
Misery strengthen me as I say my goodbyes
I heal my wounds with grief
And dream of you
And weep myself alive
-HIM
The perfect words, that apply to life. Like when John Denver & Jonathan McEuen both said "this old guitar gave me my lovely lady, opened up her eyes and ears to me. it brought us close together and i guess it broke her heart, opened up a place for us to be. what a lovely place, lovely space to be." I've learned that a broken heart, whatever form it comes in, is a blank canvas for something beautiful to grow from. ;) I love you Jeff.
Crimson Regrets
-Cary
Good song, right? I have my own set of crimson regrets. Shit most of you will never understand. Mostly because I have no desire to explain it. I know Jeff gets it, Cary definitely gets it. I'm not Scarlet Maleficent for no reason. Thank you both for your part in that.. & the healing process.
Cherry, cherry, boom, boom
Gaga
Boy, we've had a real good time
And I wish you the best on your way, eh, eh
I didn't mean to hurt you
I never thought we'd fall out of place, eh, eh
I have something that I love long, long
But my friends keepa' tellin' me that something's wrong
Then I met someone
And eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, I wish he never looked at me that way
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh
Not that I don't care about you
Just that things got so compliqué, eh, eh
I met somebody cute and funny
Got each other and that's funny, eh, eh, eh
I have something that I love long, long
But my friends keepa' tellin' me that something's wrong
Then I met someone
And eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, I wish he never looked at me that way
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh
I have something that I love long, long
But my friends keepa' tellin' me that something's wrong
Then I met someone
And eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, wish he never looked at me that way
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, wish he never looked at me that way
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, cherry, cherry, boom, boom
Eh, eh
Oh, yeah
All I can say is, eh
~~~~
Sometimes the most painful things in life turn out to be the best things. The things that make us stronger, that make us learn to appreciate life & love & friendship. Bring us close together, tear us apart, make us love, hate, and I am so thankful for this journey.
Light & love....
-me
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